ivarahBharavi on Xanga

Friday, 18 December 2009

Dry, Yet Soaked

I'm sitting on my bed
Pondering, whether I should sleep
or stay up instead

I am listening to the rain
Its beautiful falling without pattern
Slowing and speeding, again and again

While with it, I hear the clock ticking
Slowly and steadily, tick after tock
With perfect rhythm, its hands never sticking

And although I'm inside, dry as I listen
I am still letting myself get soaked by the rain
Smiling to myself, allowing my spirits to glisten

Then I go under my blankets
Soaking myself with the sound and feel of the rain
Thinking about life, the flaws and the assets

And I finally close my eyes
Thinking, dreaming wishing
Peacefully, and seeing the sunlight when I wake
Takes me by a pleasant surprise

(Poem number two! I'll put up the 3rd one on the 31st, because I told my friend that he can't see it until his birthday, and he has Xanga. Hahaha.)
Teddy Bear

When I look at you
I have this feeling inside
The feeling is not of regret
Of course not, it never again will be
Because I know that I did all I could for us

But the feeling is like one you get when seeing your old teddy bear
You had stopped playing with it
Since you knew that you would inevitably have to stop anyway
Your parting with it was bittersweet
And no matter how much it called out to you
You knew you couldn't go back
You try to push aside the memories you had
But they all come flooding back to you when you see it again
You miss your teddy bear, and sometimes you yearn to hug it
Although, you know better than to revert back to your old ways
Because it is not going to do you any good
And after all, this feeling is not a big deal
You're used to it, and after fighting the feeling, you have just grown to accept it

You were so close to this teddy bear
This teddy bear, it has a part of you
You instilled that part of you inside of it,
You gave that part of you up
And that part of you will always remain in it
Whether the teddy bear is affected or not

Sometimes, the memoirs of you and the teddy bear
Could create an immense pain for you when they are relived
And you wish that you could go back to the happy times spent with your teddy bear
But eventually, you reach a point
Where you learn to instead reminisce fondly
Because you finally accept the fact that you will always,
Always have a connection to your teddy bear
And this connection is impenetrable

(One of my three original poems for my poetry book! I had to retype the whole thing because if I copy and paste, the formatting gets messed up, blargh)

Thursday, 17 December 2009

one day.

one day.

Those are the two words that give me strength every time I miss you, every time I wish I could hug you, every time I wish I was able to see you and talk to you. Those two words are what I'm living on day by day. I'm hoping with all of my heart that they don't let me down. Please, just please.

Wednesday, 16 December 2009

"The hardest part about walking away from you is knowing that you won't run after me."

Tuesday, 15 December 2009

I miss you, sleep.

I used to cherish my sleep dearly. I prioritized it over homework all the time, no matter how much I procrastinated. When the clock struck 10:30pm, I started hurrying up so that I could get to sleep soon. If I slept at 11:30pm, then that was bad because it's only 7 hours instead of 8, but 11:30pm was the latest I'd let myself stay up, unless I absolutely HAD TO stay up later.

But now, I don't really care. It's 3:08am right now, and I'm just taking my time and slowly going through my bio book. I go on Xanga, Youtube, Facebook, etc. I figure that tonight, I'll just stay up until I have to get ready, because it's harder to go to sleep for a short amount of time and then wake up. Plus, it's the last week before break, so I'll get to sleep next week anyways. And last weekend, I felt bad when I slept a lot.

Surprisingly, I'm not even sleepy right now. I'm just really carefree. BLARGH. What happened to me? Or better yet, what am I doing to myself?!

Sunday, 13 December 2009

Monday, March 9, 2009.
me (9:51:11 PM): but you're too busy with everyone and everything else
you (9:51:18 PM): but i mean if we dont then its cool because i know i CAN talk to you
me (9:51:25 PM): but you'll never need me
me (9:51:29 PM): not when you have everyone else
you (9:51:39 PM): what are you talking about?
you (9:51:43 PM): now this is crazy
you (9:51:50 PM): no one can replace bharavi
me (9:51:58 PM): I sure feel replaced
you (9:52:04 PM): you aren't
you (9:52:12 PM): new friends do not replace old ones
you (9:52:14 PM): in fact
me (9:52:22 PM): they just matter more
you (9:52:27 PM): new friends just are more shallow than old ones

you (10:01:04 PM):    and i care about some friends more than others
you (10:01:11 PM):    but you are one of the permanent ones
you (10:01:18 PM):    like honestly
you (10:01:26 PM):    when i think of "best friends"
you (10:01:35 PM):    i think of [censored], you, and [censored]
you (10:01:37 PM):    thats it
you (10:01:41 PM):    no one else

you (10:07:30 PM):   i think we're cool. cool as in good friends that even though time may wear it down, we're still good friends. and if not the best friends in the future, then thats just sad. and in the mean time, we can try our best to not let time weather down our friendship.

This conversation still brings tears to my eyes.

I read our AIM logs with the purpose of making me upset enough to go write some good poetry, and it surely worked. But after reading them, I really fucking miss you.
"I love sleep. My life tends to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?"

Saturday, 12 December 2009

Xanga's dead

Wow, so my Xanga is totally dead now.

I always sign on, hoping for some new posts, but no one who I subscribe to blogs anymore. Paul, Vi, and Jeremy all go on Tumblr now, Finney just doesn't blog anymore, and Hazel does once in a while, but that's about it.

Now the only thing I have to do when I sign on is read posts from Datingish, Healthkicker, and Lovelyish. Those only do so much, hahaha.

That makes me really, really sad

You guys suck.

Thursday, 10 December 2009

"You never look me in the eye when you talk to me anymore."

Yeah, thanks for noticing at least something after almost one-and-a-half months.

But you know, thanks for pointing that out. Because I realize that it's true, and I really am pondering over why I can't look you in the eye. Hm, I think it's because I just can't face you. No matter how much I tell myself what I'm going to do when you talk to me, and what I'm going to say to you, when you do actually talk to me, I just can't bring myself to do it. Maybe I'm scared, because I've just been too vulnerable by your hands for so long in the past. You've always had the ability to make or break me, and I guess I'm not emotionally over that yet.

And it really did hurt that the first time you decided to notice anything was now. It made my eyes tear up just thinking about it. But I need to constantly remind myself that it's just not worth it.

Wednesday, 09 December 2009

It's nine o'clock, and I have yet to work on my APUSH study guide, as well as read Grapes of Wrath, possibly do math homework, and possibly read some bio.

If anything, I'm only gonna get my APUSH work done, but even that hasn't begun yet.

My lack of concentration skills + my frustration at school + Paul + Finney = getting no work done.

Although, my lack of concentration skills + my frustration at school = LAKDJLAGJG;AG, while Paul + Finney = . So it's okay, they make it all worthwhile.